haterade

if you read the below entry, you could kind of guess that i am a rather angry person. though if you see me around, it's not quite as obvious. but i don't think thats important.

as i made the finals cuts on my project this afternoon, ready to be done with my 3rd year of the Architecture program at Drexel University, i should have been ecstatic. i should've been smiling like an idiot and so happy. instead, my mind was occupied with the idea of hatred.

i feel that it is the nature of korean people to be passionate. you can see the manifestation of such passion when you see how they cheer in the world cup or witness what goes on within their churches; no one quite prays like the korean mother praying for her children. i too have inherited this passion.

as a child, the only times i could remember when that passion would be revealed was when i was furious. perhaps i was just as passionate when i was happy, but i don't remember right now. when i got mad i would be so consumed that i gained superhuman strength. i was a little asian hulk.

...maybe not.

the point was that just like any other boy, my emotions take physical form. we punch walls, we fight, we play handball. handball helped a lot, esp during high school to keep me from fighting. now that vent is dancing. i wrote about this on a previous blog. but what i've realized is that that covers the physical needs of my emotions, but not the emotion itself.

i'm seen as feminine. so i like the color pink, i like shopping, etc. the more embarrassing thing may quite possibly be that i m feminine even in my dealing with emotion. like i previously mentioned, boys fight. girls may not create any physical damage, but work on a much more psychological and mental level.

when someone wrongs me, im not the macho man that can just brush it off. instead, i view that person with contempt and eventually if they cross my path enough times, with hatred. having said all of that, i've become quite good at hating people. i've become quite good at finding reasons to hate, and even to spread hatred.

on two occasions of my life, i have been told something very interesting. that i have was "working for satan." quite a statement. imagine hearing that from a "pastor" and the leader of the worship team. that was an interesting year...

so back to finishing up my project. as i made those last cuts, i wondered about the power of hatred. the scary part about hatred is that so often people dont fully acknowledge its power. we preach about how great love is, but how great also is hatred? people say that the two strongest emotions are love and hate and that you shouldn't use either too freely. according to physics, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. the chinese philosophy of yin and yang teaches of equilibrium and balance. nicholas sparks movies and other chick flicks remind us that love conquers all. should a force so powerful be without a counterpart?

the church knows a lot about love. every week, the pastor stands behind the pew or on a university leacture hall stage and preaches a message about Jesus and his love for us. the all powerful love that has conquered our sins. don't get me wrong, i fully believe this. God's love does indeed save us from our sins and our savior does reign in victory over the devil.

so what exactly am i trying to say... am i trying to say that God's love is not powerful? no. rather the opposite. you can't fully understand just how powerful God's love is until you realize what exactly it is that love is defeating.

the devil is crafty and full of lies. perhaps one of the greatest lies is the lie that says he is nothing to worry about. when in fact, he lurks within the very walls of the church and even in our own hearts. we shouldn't be going out with waterguns to fight against actual guns. don't be fooled.