humanity.

its funny these little phrases that people have.

to err is human.

how can i feel like i'm making so many mistakes but not enough... i want to go out and do something so wrong. something dumb. something like what my idiot brother did on halloween night...

i haven't CONSCIOUSLY made a mistake in a while. i think thats what im trying to get at. the mistakes i make are all... i guess real err...ing...?

but i still don't feel human. i've been reading a collection of essays on objectivism. i admit i haven't gotten far, but the first part was about what separates humans from all other living organisms. whther true or blasphemy, the difference has been described as humans are the only beings that can choose their own destruction. there was a lot more to it, but the idea that humans have the ability to consciously make decisions.

decisions decisions decisions! and everyday i come across way too many decisions, too many questions to ask myself. i question my every motive. my every action. my every move. should i call him? should i talk to her again? should i go see him? should i write on her facebook? should i give this? should i NOT!? it's scary to have to ask myself everything.

a friend says that its not being me. then who am i being? i want to be me. of course i do. its easier, its more authentic, but it hasn't worked before. it's not something i think people want.



i know this. i have a tendency to obsess. i want it all. (HSM3!!!) but no, really. i want it all.
any interest cannot simply be an interest. it must become an obsession. it's helpful when it comes down to my projects. it helps to get me in the game. but its not quite so helpful with my relationships with people. i can say that every dating relationship i have been in has failed because of my obsessive, addictive behavior. i can say that it is highly dangerous in my friendships.

so what do i do? heck, i don't know...